Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Ode To Joan Adams

I feel like Evan and I would get along well.
I still have yet to hear who I will be living with for my first year of university. According to the King's website, I won't find out until early May who the lucky roomie is, which means that in less than a month from now, I will know. Unless, of course, said roomie clicked the "no" option for, "Can we give your personal information, e-mail address and name to your roommate?" Does anyone click the no option? I hope not.
I've come to terms with the fact that I have no control over the waiting process for my roommate. Ultimately, my information has already been sent in, and it is up to the faculty to find who is most compatible with me. Since I don't know her name yet, I'm just going to go ahead and refer to her as Joan Adams. I hope that Joan and I get along famously, where we can paint each other's nails, read magazines together, braid each other's hair, have naked pillow fights, and plan fabulous themed parties together. If Joan is skinny, I will even consider lending her some of my clothes. I hope that
YES.
Joan has good taste in music and men, so that if she blasts her iPod its something catchy, and that if she is a bit of a slut that at least her catch of the night will be someone who doesn't enjoy threesomes or wears the same pair of socks three days in a row. I refuse for my bedroom to become overpowered with the stench of Joan's boyfriend, Kenneth. My room will smell like fresh roses and French perfume at all times, with the occasional opening of the window for the scent of rain and salt water. Got it, Joan?
I hope to God that Joan doesn't get a hold of my blog before move-in day, because if she reads this, she's going to think I'm a total psycho. I'm not, by the way. Seriously, I'm not. I'm just super organized and a teensy tiny bit of a neat freak. So what if I iron my underwear, colour code my socks and label all of my notes using pink Post It notes and highlighters? That doesn't make me crazy. And who cares if I fluff my pillows each morning and organize my shoe collection by season, height and colour? Joan 
doesn't care! Joan will love me! What I hope for most is that our decor matches.
My mom, sister and I are flying into Halifax on Wednesday, August 29th, and my move in date is Saturday, September 1st. So for the days in between we're going to explore the city and meet my mom's cousins who live nearby. That's right - I have family out there! I've never met them before, but apparently there's a couple relatives around my age and they've invited us over for a barbeque when we arrive. I'm only going to bring my clothes and some pictures with me, and buy most of my stuff out there since we're flying instead of driving. There's hardly any better feeling in the world than back to school shopping. But I have to admit that I'm already picky about what colour my comforter, bed sheets and pillow cases should be... I'm thinking of maybe getting a white duvet and
then some cool throw pillows in green, pink and purple to add a splash of colour to my corner. Or perhaps I will opt for a celery shade of green, which we all know you can't go wrong with. But what if Joan gets a firetruck red comforter? That will so ruin the ambiance for my celery theme. Or God forbid, what is she's totally colourblind and gets some trippy hippie dippy funk-themed piece of garbage for a comforter? 
Oh, please. Joan will be great! Sometimes I wonder if I'm the crazy roommate that everyone should look out for. I know I probably seem like it with this blog post, but in actual reality, I'm not. The truth is that I am super organized, but I won't care if Joan is a slob, as long as she keeps her mess on her side of the room. We don't even have to be best friends like I originally wanted, as long as we're civil with each other. And if she does bring guys home who stink, well... Up your's, Joan.
I feel like I also shouldn't give her a name. Too much? Anyway, in preparation of finding out who 
my roommate is, I've written a poem introducing myself and my vision in what our roommate situation will be like.
Will the real Joan Adams please stand up, please stand up, please stand up?
Will the real Joan Adams please stand up, please stand up, please stand up?
Hi Joanelle! I'm MichElle! And I come from the south of Ontario.
And in our room, no illegal drugs will be grown.
Because quite frankly, I'll kick your ass if you do.
If you want to bring guys home and get busy at night,
It's cool Joan. I won't fight.
Just tell me in advance before he gets into your pants.
What colour is your comforter, girl? Better not be a colour that'll make me hurl.
I'm a size two, how 'bout you?
If we get along I'll share what's in my closet (my clothes).
But if you don't ask first I'll punch you (in the nose).
I'm sure we'll get along.
For some hilarious notes that roommates have found or left, please visit the link below. And wish me luck on the roommate, everyone!
http://www.smosh.com/smosh-pit/photos/20-hysterical-roommate-notes

No comments:

Post a Comment