Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Life's A Beach

Ladies and gentlemen, that time of year is coming up. You know what I'm talking about - bikini season. The season that everyone seems to dread, no matter what kind of shape they're in. I, for one, can't wait to get my hands on a new Italian bikini and hit the sandy white beaches while rolling around eating gelato. Speaking of gelato... I've been eating it. Like... Lot's of it. And while that's delicious and everything, I'm cutting back to just one cup a day (wink, wink) and putting my energy towards running every other morning and working out so that I can fit into that super cute bikini in the windows at Yamamay.
The one I have my eyes on is the one featured left, the mostly purple but intertwined with cool colours and a fiesta print (I say this because its kind of got a Mexican style, you know?). What I especially love about it is the cool gold jewel thing dangling south of the halter. I imagine that if I wear one of my gold belly rings and an assortment of bangles on my wrists, I will look something like a belly dancer on the beach. At least that's the look I'm going for.
According to some of my friends and female acquaintances I have, these are the top thoughts running through their head's in preparation of bikini season:
1. OMG. What if my ex sees me at the beach and notices the 2 pounds I put on over winter?
2. OMG. What if my exes new girlfriend sees me at the beach and notices the 2 pounds I put on over the winter?
3. OMG. What if my old friends from high school see me at the beach and notices the 2 pounds I put on since graduation?
4. What if I have a nip slip? I so don't want to pull a Janet Jackson.
5. What if my ass looks too big in this?
6. What if my ass looks too flat in this?
7. What if my bathing suit doesn't emphasize my boobs enough?
8. Is this bikini too similar to the one I had the year before?
9. I want to wear it... But this bag of chips... So... Good...
10. I'll never look as good in it as that Victoria's Secret model does.
You're right. You won't look as good in the bathing suit as the model does. You know why? Because it's her f*cking job to look hot in it. This is how she makes her money. By eating healthy, healthy, healthy and working with a personal trainer every single day to fit into it. She was also photo shopped by a group of professionals who tucked away any flaws so that you can sit there in the dressing room hating that girl because she just made it look so good. That's why.
To tell you the truth, I'm mostly excited to just get to the beach. I live for 40 degree weather, and all I want to do is live at the beach (with
sunscreen as my permanent uniform, of course). But for everyone out there who is worried about other people judging them while on the beach because you have some belly pudge rather than rock hard abs, don't sweat it. Chances are, all the other girls are too busy worrying about themselves and regretting their "itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow poka dot bikini" to bother worrying about what you look like, and the boys are just happy to see half naked girls lying around. So have fun picking out this year's knockout bikini and enjoy the time you have playing in the sand, sun and surf. And after you work really, really hard and finally find the perfect-and-absolutely-to-die-for-swimsuit, walk over to the food court in the mall and order a large ice cream cone. See you at the beach!

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