Monday, December 12, 2011

Love Me Like The World Is Ending

Last night, I was had a conversation with a friend of mine that led her to say something both flattering and depressing. My friend has some self confidence issues and she was referring to my body. She asked what I did yesterday, and I told her I went for a jog because I'm preparing for a marathon in the spring. She said, "But didn't it pour rain yesterday?" I confirmed that yes, it did, but that didn't stop me from jogging. This also might of had something to do with the fact that I was locked outside of my house and had a lot of time to kill and no money. She asked me why I cared so much, joking if I've been trying to keep in shape from all the carbs I'm eating. I told her about the marathon and that I just like to run. I've always loved it, and I also told her that luckily I have good genes and a high metabolism. No one in my family is overweight and I've always been able to eat whatever I want without really gaining anything. So I'm not too concerned about the carbs. And then she said it. "I wish I could be more like you."
I know I should take it as a compliment, but it was the look on her face when she said it. It was more of a sad desire than an actual compliment. She is, in my eyes, absolutely 
beautiful. One of the prettiest girls I know. She's also super intelligent, artistic, and one of the kindest people I have ever met in my entire life. She has a huge heart, and I wouldn't change her for the world. I don't know why what she said hit me so hard. Maybe its because I'm overly sensitive or maybe I just love her so much that I felt guilty for her sadness. But I remember just days ago looking at a photo of Blake Lively and thinking, God... I wish I could look more like her! Everyone, especially women, aspire to be something different from what they are. But why can't we be comfortable with ourselves? What's wrong with being different? 
I remember especially in elementary school when everyone tried so hard to fit in with each other and just blend in. I was part of a clique at my school and we all wore the same brands and listened to the same music and even talked  the same. The only individual thing about us was our names, but we even eliminated that by identifying ourselves with the same name. In grade eight I bought this really cool pair of brown Keds. They were the coolest shoes, and I spent $40 of my saved up babysitting money to buy them. My friends called them my 'grandpa shoes'. I don't know what made them 'grandpa shoes', but what I do remember is that they weren't the same as everyone else's, and I guess that made them a target. I still wore them every single day because I loved them, and eventually everyone let it go. But I shouldn't have been put down for trying to stand out.

Actually, I wasn't even trying to stand out. I just wore a pair of shoes that I liked. Damn it, if the soles weren't worn out from wearing them so much, I would still wear them today. But anyway, my point is, people should celebrate themselves. If you don't like something about yourself, change it. If you can't change it, learn to love it and live with it. Its nothing out of the ordinary to say that as a young girl I had moments of unprettiness. I still have these moments today, too. I broke out, had fights with my friends, my boyfriends, my family members. I had 
Little Miss Ugly Duckling
bad hair days, braces for two years of my life, and even wore a head gear in grade seven. YES. My big childhood secret is out. I only had to wear it while I slept, but as you can imagine, it was not an attractive image. I would brush my teeth and then put it on shamefully, much like a dog with a cone around its head. Can you imagine being 12 years old and being told that you have to wear a metal thing around your head for several hours a day? When my dentist first broke the news, I thought my life was over. But, of course, it wasn't.
The reason why I'm sharing this with you is to tell you that no one is perfect. No matter who you want to be like, that person has flaws, too. That person that you aspire to be is probably aspiring to be someone else, too. So I'm telling you all to stop wasting your time hating yourself, because trust me - you aren't doing yourself any favours. 
Now, in honour of my friend who inspired this blog post to be written, I decided to compile a list of the things I don't like about myself, and the things that I love about myself and life. I 
Not the only body type in the world, people.
suggest that everyone else should also makes a list of things you love about yourself, and look at it when you're having a bad day. I do not advise you to make a list of things you don't like about yourself. In fact, I'm only doing it because a) I want to show my friend and fellow reader's that I am nowhere near perfect and b) because I don't really care about the things I don't like about myself. They don't ruin my day, and I don't mind putting my greatest flaws out there on the internet, for the whole world to see because there are more things on the list of things I love about myself than the things that I don't love. And most importantly, the things I don't love don't measure up to the things I do love about myself. So here we go...
MichElle's Flaws:
1. When its my time of the month, I take PMS to a whole new level.
2. I wish I was taller.
3. I have big feet. When I was younger, my feet grew before anything else, which crowned me with the nickname Rabbits Foot. They're more proportionate to my body now, but still on the larger side.

4. I sometimes break out. It happens. At least once a week.
5. My nail beds suck (Karen Smith and I have something in common).
6. My vision is worse than a bats. I literally stumble around first thing in the morning without my glasses/contact lenses.

7. I don't have a cute ski-jump nose. Its just kind of there. From the side it looks like a little tortilla chip with freckles.
8. My hair. It refuses to grow any longer. It gets major static and a little dandruff in the winter. I have to wash it every day so that it doesn't get oily. And no matter how simple its supposed to be, I just cant put it in a messy bun. Depressing.
9. I can lay in the sun for hours and just burn. I'm pretty pale. No tan. Just burn, baby, burn.
10. I'm OCD about germs, organization, and my teeth.
11. I crack my bones way too much. Notice how I didn't just say knuckles? Head and shoulders knees and toes. And back. And neck.

12. I trip in public. A lot.
13. When I workout, I sweat like a pig in July (I hope this made you laugh, because I'm pouring my guts out to you people).
14. My feet stink right now.
15. I failed my G2 the first time around. 
16. I've been broken up with once before. Over an e-mail. In the seventh grade.
17. When I was four I had ear surgery because they stuck out. The operation had them stitched back. I wore a super cute white cast around my head for several weeks after.
18. The first time I got my period was at cheer camp (not while stunting, thank God).
19. I over think things that don't always matter.
20. I'm hungry right now.
21. I hate body hair so much. I think its gross, and completely unsexy, and I hate when my legs, armpits, other areas aren't smooth. But its true - sometimes I have it. Just like everyone else in the world.

22. My knee caps stick out too much. Probably from all that cracking.
23. I get morning breath.
24. I'm obsessed with doing my eyebrows. I even keep my tweezers in my purse just in case I notice a hair where it shouldn't be. 
Its ok, Milhouse. I know how you feel.
25. I sometimes get ditched by my friends (see Even The Best Fall Down Somtimes).
26. Like everyone else, I have bad moments and bad days.
27. Sometimes I get lonely over here.
28. My parents genuinely favour my sister, even if I'm the only one who sees it.
29. I always get wedgies in the most public places.
30. I do stupid things like drop my phone in the snow, get locked out of my house, and sleep in on important days.
31. I've liked guys who haven't liked me back.
32. I'm so lazy when it comes to doing laundry.
33. I use too much toilet paper. (Another thing to put on this list is that I over share, but then again, I don't really give a damn.)

34. I've had poison ivy, the chicken pox, lice... At the same time.
35. I sometimes care about people too much.
36. I'm a messy eater. I should still be wearing bibs, really. 
37. Someone once compared me to Heidi Montag. Probably the most unfortunate thing on this list.

Things I Love About Myself & Life:
1. My blue eyes (thank you papa!)
2. I can pick up languages the same way some people pick up infectious diseases.
3. My loud laugh.
4. I'm probably the best friend and greatest girlfriend anyone could ever have.
5. I graduated with honours.
6. I know how to trust my gut.
7. I'm spontaneous, outrageous, just loving life. More people should try it.

8. Fearless is my middle name. I'll go skinny dipping, sing karaoke, and not worry about embarrassing myself. I know how to have a good time.
9. My muscles! Drink milk, love life.

10. I can recognize my mistakes. I know how to appologize when I need to and I think that's really valuable.
11. My legs. They go on for miles.
12. Optimism. Its gotten me a long way (literally).

13. My boobs. They're big enough to say pay attention to me, but not so big that they're cartoonish. Round and soft and perky (I hope my dad stopped reading my blog like he promised).
14. I know how to take care of myself. I eat healthy, exercise and stretch every day, and I read and write every day. Because mental health is important too, you know.
15. Adventure-seeker. Two words that greatly describe me.

16. I treat people the way I want to be treated.
17. My freckles! There aren't many of them but they sprinkle across my nose enough for me to say that I have them.
18. I'm not afraid to stand up for what I believe in, even if I'm standing alone.
19. I'm really good at massages.
20. I can fall asleep within 10 minutes of hitting the bed.
21. My many talents (from being double jointed to having a super flexible back to writing).
22. The fact that I'm the only person in the world who my cat, Cleo, can hold without my eyes being scratched out. If you don't believe me, just ask my old ex boyfriend who ones tried to pick her up...
23. I can write about my most embarrassing moments and flaws on the internet, encourage people to read it, and not be ashamed.
24. When a friend calls for help, I'm the first one there.
25. I've been told I'm like a golden retriever - happy, loyal, and a good swimmer (all good things, in my opinion).
26. I'm a great teacher, from teaching foreign children how to speak a new language to teaching myself how to speak Italian, play the harmonica, and cook.

27. I'm open minded and always willing to try new things.
28. My family is wonderful and so accepting of the choices I make, from the very simple to the very spontaneous.
29. I've learned how to be happy with who I am and love myself no matter what.
30. I can admit that I still love Arthur. And miss it terribly since it doesn't exist in Italy.
31. I have a to-die for collection of lingerie.
32. My eye lashes. I'm giving Kim Kardashian a run for her undeserved money.
33. My creativity. I can make something out of nothing.
34. I don't have any cavities :D
35. I posses a citzenship from one of the most economically stable, well respected, naturally beautiful, and fairest countries in the world.
36. Thank you for making me laugh, thank you for making me think differently, thank you for inspiring me. The things my readers write to me makes the world of a difference.
37. Babies, dogs and old people love me. And everyone knows that's a good thing.
38. I have a nice butt and I cannot lie.
39. I'm always myself. No artificialness guaranteed.

40. I don't let the haters stop me from doing my thang.
So there you have it. Like everyone else in the world, I have good and bad qualities. I hope this is a lesson to all my readers that no matter how put together a person looks on the outside, they still have their own insecurities and flaws on the inside. I'm not going to lecture you anymore on this because I think my lists speak for itself. I hope you learned something from it and that my friends and family still love me even though I'm pale and hate doing the laundry. Even people with big feet need love, too.

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