Tuesday, November 01, 2011

Single Bells, Single Bells, Single All The Way

It really makes me sad when people complain about being single. I, for one, am not one of these people. I keep getting asked, "Have you met any guys? Have you gone on any dates? Do you think you'll be official with anyone while you're in Italy?" The answer is yes, of course I've met guys, yes, I have gone on a couple dates, and no, I don't think I'll make anything official while I'm here. And why would I want to? I'm perfectly happy with me, myself and I, and I don't see that changing any time soon. First of all, right now is the absolute worst possible time that I could be in a relationship. I'm enjoying myself and making friends, and I don't want to ruin that by some idiot with a nice haircut, English accent and glittering green eyes getting in the way of that. 
Don't get me wrong - I love men. Which is why I don't currently want to commit to one. Why would I want to deal with the turmoil right now? At this moment in my life I have the freedom to do absolutely anything I want. I can go to bar's and clubs and dance and flirt and do what I like without feeling the least bit guilty. This is obviously very important to me as I spend a lot of my time drinking large quantities of alcohol with my girl friends. I'm having the time of my life meeting different types of people with different passports than mine and it's been lovely. If I happen to fall for someone I meet, then fine. Maybe I'll change my 'single' Facebook status to 'in a relationship' if the right guy comes along. But so far, he's no where in sight, and I'm ok with that. Besides, there's a lot of perks to being single which I'm going to compile into a list
You are an exception
and tell any of my sad, lonely reader's that to dining at a table for one is the new black.
1. The only problems you have to deal with are your own.
2. You don't have to feel guilty about anything you do at bar's, clubs, or parties (one of the best reasons by far).
3. It suddenly doesn't feel like such a big deal if you aren't wearing a matching bra and underwear set.
4. You can watch chick flicks, eat popcorn, wear a facial mask and do just about anything else without feeling like a loser. You're not.
5. You don't have to hide your shopping receipts.
6. People ask about YOU, not about, "How are you and Tim doing?" Because quite frankly, Tim is not as important as me.
7. More time to bond with your girlfriends. An absolute huge bonus.
8. If your ex boyfriend was kind of on the short side (think Nicole Kidman with Tom Cruise), you can welcome stilettos back into your life.
9. The only thing that whines about not being fed is your pet.
10. No one who steals all the pillows and blankets - just think... The whole entire bed. To yourself.
All mine, baby. All mine.
11. You can pack up your bags and move to a different city, a different province, or hey - a different continent (it worked for me!) without having to discuss it with anyone.
12. If you leave leftovers in the fridge, they won't 'dissapear' in the morning.
13. If you're in a bitchy mood you aren't constantly asked, "Its already that time of the month again, huh?" Um, RUDE.
14. Not having to worry about buying that 'perfect gift' during the holidays.
15. Not having to deal with not liking someones family, or vice versa. But my family is awesome so they're never the problem.
16. I can listen to whatever music I like in the car without any complaints.
17. The TV remote all to yourself. Heaven!
If I had a MichElle Playlist on my iPod, it would include songs such as 'Single Ladies', 'Ridin' Solo', and 'Can't Be Tamed'. However, as the very wise Carrie Bradshaw once said:
The holiday season is coming up which is when girls typically start to panic about not having that special someone to drink hot chocolate with by the fire, watch cheesy holiday movies, go Christmas shopping while holding hands, or kissing under the mistletoe while being covered in romantic little snow flakes because relationships are just so special during this time of year. I have a little challenge for you, ok? Go out to a cute little café with your single girlfriends and order hot chocolate and spike it with raspberry vodka. I promise you won't be disappointed! So if you find yourself beginning to look like this person and thinking to yourself, "Why am I
alone?" shut that silly little voice out in your head. Don't worry about when Mr. Right is coming along, because you can't control it. Just like I can't control when I'm going to meet my English Prince. Even if I can only have my English Prince for one night, then hey - I won't oblige. Of course, being in a relationship is also wonderful too. But having a boyfriend is definitely not at the top of my Christmas Wish List, so I'm going to fore go telling details about why relationships are great. I don't care right now.
Also, reflecting upon my past string of relationships does not cause me to be in any rush to jump back into the dating scene. I once had a boyfriend who I shared my life bucket list with, and his responses were super annoying. For example, he pointed out my 'write a book' dream and said,
"You'll probably never do that." Cue the crinkling of my nose. Cue the excusez-moi that was
Bonding in Australia
about to come out of my mouth. Cue the bitch slap across the FACE you should've got for trying to rain on my parade of dreams. The most confusing thing about this was that 'meet Oprah Winfrey' is also on the list, and he didn't say that was impossible. I don't understand the male mind, I really don't...
Since we're on the topic of relationships, let me use this time to tell you about what kind of girlfriend I am. Take note, boys. I say what's on my mind, and so if you're into the mysterious, subtle type of woman, move along. I'm ballsy and hate playing mind games, so don't even try to act coy with me, because I won't buy into it. If you do something to piss me off, I'm not going to give you the silent treatment and assume that you're a mind reader. I'll tell you. I'm high maintenance but I won't be upset if you don't surprise me with roses or candy or jewelry like every guy is 'supposed' to do. (But just in case you're wondering, I love sunflowers, anything sour, and my birthstone is a ruby). If you're needy, insecure and always text me first, you can forget it. Also, the biggest thing for me is that you have to be able to have a good sense of humour, because if you don't, we won't last longer than a day. I'm a very affectionate person but will always, always, always need to spend at least 35% of my week with my girls. I'm just too preoccupied having fun with my friends to worry about a man right now.

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