In a perfect world, I think I might possible maybe spend another year abroad... I really just don't know what to do. Part of me is saying, "Go to Ottawa! You need to go back to school." But then this other part of me is saying, "MichElle... School will always be there, I promise. Right now you are young and have the ability to be flexible and travel and do everything in the world that you want to do." Oh, dear... Its kind of like the devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. Except on the left side there's me wearing my glasses and carrying a pile of books, and on the right side there's me wearing a backpack and carrying a map. Really, if you were in my position, which one would be more appealing to you?
just compared me to Reese Witherspoon. Well, who wouldn't?! If you look at the photos on the right, we're practically twins... Of course, the difference is that she has a heart shaped face, and of course I'm more famous, but nevertheless, it was a beautiful moment in my life.
I talked to Cely about my dilemma in not knowing what to do about university. She didn't offer any help, although she did listen to me and give me a banana. When in doubt, have some potassium... Help! Everyone gets so caught up in the whole What am I going to do with my life tragedy that they don't take a time out and decide what that's going to be. A lot of my friends in college and university admitted to me that
they don't like their school, or their program, and that they feel lost and trapped... I have the luxury of freedom, which is nothing to complain about. My biggest concern is what gelato shops are going to close for the winter. if Frigidardium closes, so help me God, I will lose. My. Mind.
I took some career altitude tests, asked for advice, and nothing helped. I wish I could go to sleep, and just wake up with the right answer. Really, though, this is the reality: In Canada, we are pressured to figure out what we want to do at a very young age. We then spend a fortune on school, and yet half of us drop out or end up miserable because we changed our minds 'too late'. The only concern I'm having is that I don't want to waste my time or money applying and then decide to travel for another year. Before I get too ahead of myself, I would just like to say that I am still coming home in June no matter what. I need to be grounded for a while, and I need to make some actual money for the summer, especially if I want to travel again. I'm playing ping pong in my brain. Europe, university. Europe, university. The thought exhausts me.
I found this interesting questionnaire on the internet. One of the questions read, "How do you define success?" I used to think the answer would be happiness, but that's a mood, not a destination. So... How would I define success? By learning a new language. Traveling to new countries. Eating dinner at that exotic new restaurant or sitting on one of the world's greatest ancient monuments while eating cinnamon gelato... That isn't success though, that's just what I like to do. And its a very depressing thought to know that I can't live this way forever... I just don't where which direction to go. If I came back to Europe again after next summer, would I be stuck in the same question as I am now, and could I really be away from my family again for another whole year? That's the reality when you move halfway across the world. Now would be a really great time in my life to win the lottery.
|Where I would like to be in 10 years:|
half naked on a fountain.
1. Go home in June, work for the summer, and move back to Europe for another year in the fall.
2. Apply to school, go home in June, work for the summer, go back-to-school shopping and move up to Ottawa.
3. Quit everything and work as a back up dancer for Enrigue Iglesias.
I wish that money wasn't an object and that I could be free to do anything and everything in the world, but I'm just dreaming. Right? Ahhhh, life... You are my best friend and my worst enemy. Much like Frigidarium. On the one hand you make me feel fulfilled and are dipped in hot nutella, but on the other, you take my money and cause me to be further away from my six pack.
I recall something I read about in the book Influence by Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. They put together a book that includes personality tests, opinions, favourite quotes, photographs of their favourite designer clothes, places of travels... There was something in there called the Proust
questionnaire. Marcel Proust was a French writer who believed that a person must first understand themselves before they figure anything or anyone else out. I decided to fill out my own Proust questionnaire.
1. What is your greatest fear?
being abducted, or losing my eye sight
2. What is your current state of mind?
3. What is your favourite way to spend time?
traveling and exploring, but on a normal day, spending time with friends, drinking tea, writing
4. What historical figure do you most identify with?
i don't know
5. Which living person do you most admire?
6. Who is your favourite fictional hero?
robin hood - whats sexier than stealing from the rich to give to the poor?
7. Who are your real-life hero's?
my papa whyte
8. What is your most treasured possession?
the teddy bear my papa pressé gave me. his name is brown bear (i was very original) and it was my first gift. it may sound childish but i've taken him on all of my trips with me.
9. When and where were you happiest?
here in rome
10. What is your most obvious characteristic?
possessing a creative mind, making others laugh
11. What is the trait you hate most in yourself?
12. What is the trait you hate most in others?
being late, dishonest and arrogant. so if a person is dishonest about why they were late and act arrogant, we will not be friends
13. What is your greatest extravagance?
the fact that i live in rome
14. What is your favourite journey?
the one i'm currently on
15. What do you most dislike about your appearance?
my height, i wish i was taller. i like to think i'm a lot taller than i actually am.
16. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
17. On what occasion do you lie?
when someone annoying starts talking to me and i say that i'm busy
18. Which words of phases do you most overuse?
"keep calm and carry on", i don't overuse it though
19. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
not being such a perfectionist
20. What do you consider your greatest achievement?
moving to france alone at 16, then moving again to italy at 18, learning languages on my own
21. Where would you like to live?
right here in rome, where i am. or in buckingham palace.
22. What is the quality you most admire in a man?
a good listener, spontaneous, genuine
23. What is the quality you most admire in a woman?
independence, a strong sense of self, and a good sense of humour in all people
24. What is it you most dislike?
bullshit and grown woman who think its ok to wear pigtails. it isn't.
25. What do you value most in your friends?
their ability to love and support me no matter what i do or where i go
26. How would you like to die?
in my sleep, obviously. at my funeral i want everyone at my funeral to arrive in limos, wearinging black with veils and crying as celine dion sings, 'my heart will go on'. kidding.
27. If you were to die and come back as an animal, which animal do you think it would be?
a vegetarian lion (is there such thing?)
28. If you could choose an object to come back as, what would you choose?
not a toilet, i can tell you that
29. What is your motto?
everybody dies, but not everybody lives
30. Who has been the greatest influence on you?
31. What or who is the greatest love of your life?
i don't know 'who' yet because i haven't met him but writing and traveling are my two favourite loves at the time. i'm consistent and dedicated to them as i haven't been in my other loves.
32. Which talent would you like to have?
singing, or the ability to pick up languages the same way that animals can pick up diseases. you know?
33. What would you like to be?
"a wise woman"