Thursday, October 20, 2011

Country Girl, Shake It For Me

Every Tuesday, Scholar's hosts karaoke night, which makes Tuesday my new favourite day of the week. But before I go into the details, first I need to tell a little tale of my ride up there on the bus. I decided to wear my new short, ruched white dress with the one shoulder strap I bought from this cute little boutique. I love finding random little stores tucked into the crumbling alleys of Rome. Anyway, this old woman came on the bus and made it very clear
The power of Christ
compels you!
that she did not approve of my outfit. In my defense, I was going to a bar - and what the heck was this tiny old woman doing on the city bus at 11:30 pm? I also had on a pair of black leggings under the dress that I took off once I got to the bar and shoved it inside my purse. The bar is hot, and I wanted to dance. Plus I shaved my legs that morning. When she first started lecturing me, I told her I don't speak Italian, but she kept rambling on. Some people overheard her and explained to me that she always comes on the bus and talks to people about Jesus Christ, which would explain why she kept shoving her rosary in my face. I took a picture of her because I honestly could not believe this woman. I don't even think she noticed the flash in her face. She kept pointing to her rosary and chanting. It was so weird, but that's Rome for you.
Back to reality. A bunch of other au pairs and myself went into Scholar's and spent the entire night flirting with other tourists and singing embarrassing ourselves on stage. I probably made a complete fool of myself, but I'm OK with that. At the beginning of the night I had an awkward moment in the bathroom with a guy from California. Yes, in the bathroom, but let's not go there... He bumped into me 'accidentally' (so subtle...) We talked for a bit but I was definitely not interested in him. This boy looked more groomed than Tyra Banks. He had blonde hair and dark, tanned skinned that he probably got
Come on Barbie, let's go party
from laying in a tanning bed while listening to Britney Spears on his rhinestone covered iPod. If you're going to look fake, don't go for an orange tan and bleached hair. At least pick one if you insist on being unnatural. He also had eyes that were so ridiculously turquoise blue, and I have the right to be suspicious that these were coloured contact lenses. The whole time we were talking he had this creepy permanent on his face and was blinding me with his laser whitened teeth. Ahhhh! After making lame small talk he told me to meet me on the dance floor later, and unfortunately he spotted me with my au pair friends by the bar. I told him, "Oh great, you found me." I don't think he knew that I was being sarcastic. 
After I wasn't laughing at his lame jokes or giving into his Spencer-Pratt-meets-Ken-doll appearance, he finally got the hint and left. Now that I'm out of high school and living in the real world, I'm really picky about my men, as every woman should be. And this guy just did not cut it - he reminded me of this gay guy who went to my high school and I knew that if I even attempted to hook up with this guy, I would keep thinking of the gay guy from my school who I'll call Stan Flemmington. Stan Flemmington is a proud fan of Kylie Minogue and Cher who calls everyone he meets his 'angel' and if he had a twin, well, Mr. (or Miss?) would've been him (her?). After I finally shook this boy who was California Dreamin' on me, I got onstage with my friend Kara and sang Katy Perry, and I don't mean to brag, but... I. Was. Awesome. Speaking of California boys and Katy Perry, I'm sorry - but they definitely are forgettable. They are not fine, fresh, fierce, and that boy certainly could not melt my popsicle.
If you look at the montage of pictures on the left, you will see that Kara and I are almost famous. My highlight of the night was singing Beyoncé's 'Crazy in Love'. When Beyoncé comes on anywhere - while shopping in a store, in the car, or at a bar, LOOK OUT. Everyone went wild when I rapped the Jay-Z part of the song, and I think everyone was surprised that this 110 pound white girl could drop a beat like that. I also got to meet a group of Australian boys which was wonderful. I kept calling them my 'outback mates' and it was love at first sight. A lot of reader's probably haven't heard of the show
 calling them my 'outback mates' and it was
love at first sight. A lot of reader's probably haven't heard of the show 'Summer Heights High', but it's an Australian show that is almost as funny as The Office. I kept making the boys say quotes from the show and I was in heaven. We all left the bar around 3 am and the other au pairs and my outback mates went to find something to eat near Piazza Venezia. When we all said our goodbyes this is when the worst night of my life hit. I had to take the night bus alone because the girls I went out with don't live near me. I should've  just taken a taxi or called one of my Italian
friends to come get me, but for some reason I
like to learn all of my lessons the hard way. Before I got on the bus I told the bus driver my neighborhood and made my voice high at the end so he knew it was a question. I'm not going to name my neighborhood on here but he assured me that yes, yes, this is the right bus. Well... He stopped everywhere but my neighborhood. In fact, I saw everything in the entire city except where I needed to be, and lucky me got a nice tour of the sketchy outskirts of Rome. For the entire two hours, I was the only female on the bus, and creepy men came and went. One guy was even drinking straight from a wine bottle. I mean... Can you even do that on a bus? I sobered right up once I hit the outskirts. I panicked and called my Italian friend freaking out but his phone died. So then I called my friend all the way from Canada and in between tears explained to him my situation. I could only hear about half the things he was saying but it helped, and finally... finally, finally, FINALLY, I arrived home at 5:30 am. I took a nice hot shower, made myself a cup of tea, and went to bed. 
In front of Piazza Venezia with Zoe
before the whole bus fiasco.
Today it rained, and back in Canada, this would be considered a moderately rainy day. Nothing out of the ordinary. On and off periods of showers that left puddles and a bit of flooding, but nothing serious. Well, the Romans lost their minds. News crews were up and down my street filming the 'floods' and everyone on the streets was talking to me with fear in their eyes, and it really wasn't difficult to understand what subject they were talking. I would love to put a Roman on the Maid of the Mist just to see their reaction. It was a rainy day, yes, but va bene.
At dinner tonight while everyone was happily chatting about their day, Giulia asked me what kind of wine I liked best. I told her the red kind we always drink from Capalbio, and she went on explaining the different wines of Italy. This is a 9 year old girl, here... And nobody at the table said anything. I looked around to see if anyone heard what just happened, but if they heard, they didn't seem phased by it. Amazing. Is this normal?

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